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Dating Advice
Discussion: Why can't men be honest when breaking off a relationship?
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singlenlovingit singlenlovingit |
Why can't men be honest when breaking off a relationship?
Feb 3 2008, 7:44 PM EST Would love to know why men cannot be honest when breaking off a relationship?? Why string someone along when they know it is over ?? 1 out of 2 found this valuable. Do you? |
 pinkprincess2241 |
RE: Why can't men be honest when breaking off a relationship?
Feb 4 2008, 5:51 PM EST no clue. they're a mysterie alright! 1 out of 1 found this valuable. Do you? |
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CryingDove CryingDove |
RE: Why can't men be honest when breaking off a relationship?
Feb 5 2008, 5:12 PM EST I am sorry. I don't think this problem is gender specific. I think it can be found on both sides of a failing relationship. Normally in a relationship that is ending, there are two people. The Dumper and The Dumpee. The Dumper has a plan and the Dumpee has a surprise. The Dumper, oftentimes fell they have control over the Dumpee either within or out of the relationship. The Dumpee, either way has hope that things will work out and the relationship can be salvaged. And I must re-iterate....The roll of Dumper or Dumpee can be filled with either gender. Signed an honest guy. Do you find this valuable? |
 singlenlovinit |
RE: Why can't men be honest when breaking off a relationship?
Feb 5 2008, 11:02 PM EST I find that with men, when they are done they turn cold. Women are planters and will stick a situation out longer than a guy. A man will many times turn off and disappear if there is any evidence that the women is really interested. Then they always cry pressure!! Do you find this valuable? |
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CryingDove CryingDove |
RE: Why can't men be honest when breaking off a relationship?
Feb 6 2008, 9:35 AM EST "I find that with men, when they are done they turn cold. Women are planters and will stick a situation out longer than a guy. A man will many times turn off and disappear if there is any evidence that the women is really interested. Then they always cry pressure!!"Classic scenario straight from the pages of Dr John Gray's book "Men are from Mars-Women are from Venus". Male retreats to his cave and the woman wants to continue with the connectivity thing. And while we are talking "Farming (planters), one must realize, on the onset of a relationship, the female will bring a SEED and see what she can do to make it grow. even if the seed is planted in the wrong soil. The male will bring the end product, the ripened crop, to the relationship very quickly to a relationship they desire. Case of cooking in a crockpot versus a microwave. All of the metaphors that can be used to descrbe your post, one stand out in my mind. "If you want to kindle a flame. Start with a match" It appears, that your observations and conclusions stem from trying to make a LTR with men that did not want one. My suggestions to you would be to know what you want in a partner and don't settle for less. If you choose to start a relationship and it doesn't seem to work, be honest with yourself and realize there is a mis-match, and move on. But in all fainess, If you want the man "Keep on Pushing" while he "Keeps on Trucking" -------signed just a guy. Do you find this valuable? |
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singlenlovinit |
RE: Why can't men be honest when breaking off a relationship?
Feb 6 2008, 10:07 AM EST I don't understand.. Keep on pushing?/ He won't respond to me. He kept saying that he would come down to see me and it was awsome but then he went back to the real world and the pressures. Doesn't make sense. Sent me a digital pic frame with memories of us and dumped me. Do you find this valuable? |
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CryingDove CryingDove |
RE: Why can't men be honest when breaking off a relationship?
Feb 6 2008, 10:30 AM EST "I don't understand.. Keep on pushing?/ He won't respond to me. He kept saying that he would come down to see me and it was awsome but then he went back to the real world and the pressures. Doesn't make sense. Sent me a digital pic frame with memories of us and dumped me."If you re-read your initial post, where you state " A man will many times turn off and disappear if there is any evidence that the women is really interested. Then they always cry pressure!!" The disappearence of him, you stated "He dumped me" I think that is a clue. I could be mistaken though, but I don't think there is next chapter in your story of being with him. He Trucked on you made a hastey retreat. Now for you not understanding Keep on pushing....even though all the signs of the relationship being over, You still want to make it work...emails. perhaps phone calls, even showing more interest in him than before....that is what I call pushing a dead horse. What I am curious about, is "Back to the real world and the pressures". Would it be safe to assume this guy is married? signed- a curious guy Do you find this valuable? |
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CryingDove CryingDove |
RE: Why can't men be honest when breaking off a relationship?
Feb 6 2008, 11:00 AM EST The terms Keep on Trucking and Keep on Pushing had their births, I guess in the 70s. There was a poster that highlighted two feet in a walking motion to promote Eddie Kendricks song Keep on Trucking. The latter Keep On Pushing...an Impressions tune from the same era Keep on pushing to a higher ground. Not giving up. Do you find this valuable? |
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singlenlovinit |
RE: Why can't men be honest when breaking off a relationship?
Feb 6 2008, 12:17 PM EST No, not married.... divorced... been to visit him. He had been down to visit me 4 times since August. Then, during Christmas came for 3 days, left and that was it. We had a great time together. He then became scarce. When we spoke I thought we worked it out. Why can't a guy just say sorry I am no longer interested.That gives it closeure. Do you find this valuable? |
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CryingDove CryingDove |
RE: Why can't men be honest when breaking off a relationship?
Feb 6 2008, 2:24 PM EST In the singles arena, there is no such thing as closure. That lifestyle is a circle that goes round and round. Some enter the circle and some leave the circle. There is no need to commit in the singles arena. For the most part it is an accumulation of good times. That is why there are phrases like Single and Loving it. Since a circle has no beginning or end, neither of those points are of concern. Just go for the goodtimes. Now, if a person is single and wants a LTR...that is a different story. That person wants a straight line. And with straight lines, there are beginning and end.points. And the end point becomes the focus of concern. There are many protocols, hoops and loops, and emotions to deal with when that point is reached. The only problem I see, is many cannot recognize or choose not to see, when the end is nearing. The end always announces itself with tell tale signs before it actually appears. And inevitably, to those people who have failed to recognize the end point has come and gone, hang around and wait for it to say "I'm here. I am the End" before moving on. signred - single and loving it or single and hating it guy. Do you find this valuable? |
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singlenlovinit |
RE: Why can't men be honest when breaking off a relationship?
Feb 7 2008, 12:06 AM EST Actually, with my situation there were no signs. We talked every day on phone. He came to visit and was the same as always. He was soo excited to visit. Then, he left and almost vanished immediately. That is dishonest. Six months and then to disappear. If I had not confronted him, he probably would not have even talked to me again. Each time I spoke to him we ended the conversation as though everything was fine. If you are done with someone, why not tell them?? That is the right thing to do. Do you find this valuable? |
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CryingDove CryingDove |
RE: Why can't men be honest when breaking off a relationship?
Feb 7 2008, 8:33 AM EST With regards to a sign. You had a sign, the first time he disappeared. That I am on your side, that was not honest or right. Then as a concerned friend you wanted to know what happened. That is right. But, to try and continue the relationship, that is where you ignored the sign that the relationship was nearing the end. That is my point that I was trying to make in my posts. The end always announces itself early. You had your sign, that this guy could not give you what you wanted in a relationship. I am not sure that this guy, no matter how nice he was, was worthy to enter into a relationhip with you. Not all men are like that. So don't give up on all men. signed - a nice guy. Do you find this valuable? |