We’ve all been there. You see someone across a stack of oranges at the grocery store who looks interesting, fun, exactly your type. But as soon as you realize you’d like to meet them, your palms begin to sweat and your tongue ties itself into a big lumpy knot. You can’t just walk up and start talking to a perfect stranger, your mind whispers. They’ll laugh at you, snub you, think you’re some kind of creep. Paralyzed by fear, you watch your dream date flit away—again and again and again.

Well, it doesn’t have to be like that, says David Wygant, author of Always Talk to Strangers (2005). “People need to stop worrying, stop making up dumb excuses, stop the fake fear,” he says. “Real fear is when you’re on a hiking trail and a mountain lion steps out in front of you. Standing next to a man or woman in the grocery store whom you’re attracted to and not being able to talk to them is not fear. That’s an excuse.”

So how do you nix all that nervousness?

Stop critiquing yourself. “Anxiety produces what I call Monkey Chatter,” Wygant writes, “voices in your head that discourage you from taking action.” People need to quit being so hard on themselves, he says, especially shy types.

Get out of your comfort zone. “I ask my clients, ‘Where are you the most comfortable?’ And they always say, ‘In my home.’ So I tell them they need to get out of the house. The best thing to do when you’re super-shy is go out tomorrow and just smile at people, at anyone—men, women, kids, dogs, cats. Just do that and see how people respond.”

Start with small interactions. “Once you’re out of the house, randomly say hello to someone in line at the grocery store. Maybe engage in a little small talk and get comfortable with that.”

Observe those around you. “What are they doing? What are they saying? Start picking up clues, figuring out your conversational pointers, then use them. Ask people questions, interview them. ‘Is the turkey sandwich good here? Oh really? Have you tried any of their other sandwiches?’ Ask a few questions and see how people respond and get comfortable with that.”

Practice, practice, practice. “We all want instant gratification, but it’s not going to happen overnight. You have to do the work to get the results.”

Enjoy the results. “No matter how people respond, positive or negative, it’s still a response. The first one may be horrible, but the more you do this, the more comfortable you’ll get, and the more comfortable you get, the more comfortable other people will be around you. And the next thing you know, you’re flirting with someone.”