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First Date Sex: Yes or No?

What if the kissing is going particularly well? So well, in fact, that you realize you’d like to take things to the next level? Fabulous. Before you get naked, you may want to take a moment to welcome a newcomer to the arena. That’s right, you and your date are no longer alone—your libido has officially joined the party.

Your libido wants to get laid. That’s its job. And it’s a damn hard worker, as we all know. Your libido is also crazy powerful, and about as discerning as a pack of fire ants.

Old-school dating arbiters have long warned single women off casual sex by using unflattering references to rumpled merchandise, milked cows, and shabby free-lunch counters. “Why risk having him call you easy—and think of you that way—when he’s talking to his buddies in the locker room the next day?” The Rules girls ask. Other people warn that cutting to the chase will cut out the chase, spoiling somebody-or-other’s all-important biological imperative.




The bottom line is this: Some people sleep with their dates right away, others don’t. Also just in, some folks like vodka martinis while others go for gin—it’s all just a matter of style and taste and, most of all, sexual chemistry.

“Why do we all think that sex on a first or even second date is OK?” asks Sonia, a 29-year-old single from Seattle. “No wonder we’re bored. There’s no seduction, no mystique. I’d like to single-handedly bring back the art of seduction. Let’s make love interesting again!”

Yes, there are a million and one rules why we should avoid first-date sex (He’ll never call you again! She’ll only think of you as a sex object! Those thighs!), but there are just as many exceptions. On Sex and the City, Carrie and Big ended up in bed before they’d even gone out to dinner. But they’re hardly the only ones who’ve started things off with a bang.

Fun Fact: In a survey conducted by One2One Living magazine, 63 percent of men and 69 percent of women surveyed had indulged in first-date sex. Furthermore, 79 percent of men and 86 percent of women would consider an LTR with someone they’ve had sex with on a first date.

“I had one first date where I didn’t even leave the house,” says Mark, a 23-year-old single from San Diego. “I went to pick her up—I was taking her to a fancy jazz club—and we were both all dressed up and the attraction was just too much. We had great sex all night. I consider it my best date ever.”

Rather than worry about abiding by someone else’s concept of morality (some people happen to like their merchandise a little rumpled and would much rather spend time in the bush than beating around it), try to focus on the bigger picture. When and/or if you sleep with someone is a choice based on attraction, timing, standards, and, of course, whether you’ve shaved your legs lately. Naturally, the other person’s thoughts and feelings come into play somewhere in there as well. As does the way they smell. So do it, don’t do it, whatever.

If you do

The important thing is that if you do end up sleeping with someone on a first date (and keep in mind, in today’s untraditional dating world, many first dates take place after weeks of “hanging out”), make sure you’re the one making the decision. Not Ann Landers. Not your sneaky libido. Not the smooth talker with his or her tongue in your ear. And that you do it safely (condoms always!) and sanely (don’t sleep with nutballs, and try to avoid becoming one yourself).

One final note: If you do indulge in first-date sex, do be prepared for any and all consequences, everything from a lovestruck admirer to a lummox who refuses to acknowledge your existence come morning.



Latest page update: made by singleton , Jun 16 2006, 7:55 PM EDT (about this update About This Update singleton Edited by singleton


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SexLover DUH!! 1 Feb 6 2008, 10:47 AM EST by CryingDove
SexLover
Thread started: Feb 4 2008, 6:34 PM EST  Watch
of course!!! i have sex on first dates with all my bfs. this is how my first date occours every time:
1. we have dinner
2. we watch a movie in my bed
3. we have sex then go to sleep together
its so much fun, u should try it.
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Anonymous goes too fast, burns up 2 May 30 2007, 2:05 PM EDT by TemlynWriting
Thread started: May 30 2007, 6:49 AM EDT  Watch
Women have given me sex on date 1 or 2 before, because the intellectual personality chemistry was there. But it moves the relationship too fast, and we both find something we dislike and then it turns sour, since the slow build-up was missing. And boinking studs will piss off good catches like me. My last girlfriend really wanted me for life, but blew it by having a short fling with some stud loser. Karma. I got a job offer out of town and took it.
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Anonymous Determining factors 0 Apr 1 2007, 8:10 PM EDT by Anonymous
Thread started: Apr 1 2007, 8:10 PM EDT  Watch
If I think the guy has a potential to be a long-term partner, I will not sleep with him and even kiss him for as many dates as I can handle it. It builds up anticipation and stronger bonding between the two. On the other hand, if the guy is a young stud with a gorgeous body and a handsome face, but aside from that is a looser (and therefore not someone I am interested in building a relationship with) I will use him for one night stand and move on.
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Rosencrantz third-date "rule" 0 Oct 23 2006, 6:51 PM EDT by Rosencrantz
Rosencrantz
Thread started: Oct 23 2006, 6:51 PM EDT  Watch
ok, so i know we're so over all the "rules" about dating that have been shoved down our throats since we were toddlers, but this is one that i find helpful. let's perhaps call it a "guideline" instead of a "rule" (god knows i haven't always followed it, but in hindsight, i usually wish i had). when you start seeing a person, it's a good idea to wait until the third date before you even consider going to bed with him/her. that way, you have a chance to get to know him/her a little before you bring in that tricky sex factor.
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Anonymous hard to get 0 Jun 29 2006, 5:00 PM EDT by Anonymous
Thread started: Jun 29 2006, 5:00 PM EDT  Watch
the answer is no. if you give it up on the first date, then there is nothing left to wonder about, its all out there. girls, you have a play a little hard to get and keep some mystery there if you want a guy to remain interested. besides, its just not classy.
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